Wasteland

passionate_anal @ 2009-09-17T21:35:00

2009-09-18T02:38:10Z

A dream is a seed

The seed of a tree

A tree full of life

And the things you can be

Your dreams are the windows

Through which you can see

A hint of your future

And the things you will be

Each night when you sleep

You’re feeding the seed

The seed of the tree

Of who you will be…

Should I open it for you?

2009-05-19T03:17:54Z

I kind of don't know how to feel.

Life changes, and people change with the passing days.
I wish things stayed the same.
But then we'd get bored.

People can be confusing.
People change sometimes so much, you have to struggle to remember how things used to be.

new things come, some good, some bad.
But still.

ugh.
annoying life.

passionate_anal @ 2008-11-16T23:21:00

2008-11-17T07:22:48Z

Omgg I haven;t updated in like 2 months!
Nothing has changed, and everything has changed at the same time.

I am tired of this place.

passionate_anal @ 2008-09-25T09:32:00

2008-09-25T16:32:29Z

I want to do more than just exist.

The Square Root of 3 by Dave Feinberg

2008-09-04T04:09:41Z

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

"/

2008-05-17T19:11:06Z

Time to leave the past where it is.

Those who love at first sight are traitors at every glance.

2008-05-13T13:37:58Z

What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are small matters
Compared to what lies
Within Us.

I admit that I'm just a fool for you

2008-05-02T04:39:58Z

I ate a mouthful of old, cold, gross looking pizza covered in salt.

It was totally worth it.

passionate_anal @ 2008-04-06T02:58:00

2008-04-06T06:58:58Z

What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love that really counts

I'm not sorry anymore, for the way I was before

2008-04-03T05:12:03Z

Have you ever stopped to think and realized how much your friends bother you?

Today was pretty awesome.
Hung out with Oz, Meli and Noel.

All of the stars fall from the sky

2008-04-01T17:58:04Z

Wow, it's only been a week since I update.
It feels like so much more.
Probably because my last entry wasn't really me saying anything, and the entry before that was like a month ago.

WELL! The past is the past and I won't talk abut what has happened in the fast weeks.

But I will say, things haven't been getting any better.
But I'm starting to question myself on if I even want them to.
Maybe I'm listening to everyone when I should really be listening to myself.
Do I really care?
I don't know anymore.

Let's see, I think I'll make myself a little calendar on upcoming events.
On the 7th we go back to school, and it's the start of the last 9 weeks.
Omg, I'm so nervous.
Mongole is starting that money thing again, and that's what fucked me up last year.

The 22nd is Earth Day :3
I want to do something that day.
Then the 25th is Grad Bash ^.^

The 28th prom tickets go on sale, but more importantly it's my last chance to get my Childcare license thing.
I'm so nervous, I don't want to have wasted the year and have nothing to show for it.

Then in May 9th it's prom :3
And Leo's birthday.
And the 11th is Say's birfday.
And the 26th [?] is her graduation.
Ash and I are going to go because we don't have school.
Our little Sara is all grown up, lol.

Then, about a week after her's, on June 3rd, it's ours.
Mixed feelings about that.

We'll see how life turns out I guess.

Oh squiggly line in my eye

2008-03-21T03:32:41Z

Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid.
I see you lurking there on the periphery of my vision.
But when I try to look at you, you scurry away.
Are you shy, squiggly line?
Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye?
Oh, squiggly line,
it's alright, you are forgiven.

I iz fuck-en lee-gal!

2008-03-09T17:23:24Z

The road you're on may be covered in fog, but you're heading in the right direction.
That was my horoscope today.
It made me happy for some reason.

Anyways, yesterday was awesome!
Even though it was super hectic because we made plans, canceled, made new ones, canceled, made another and canceled and then finally stuck with one.
Ash, Beck, Deb and I went to Main street and then we went to Publix and bought like a TON of junk food, cookies, cake cupcakes, chips and soda and then we went to CVS to get a lighter and some forks.
We went to the lake and set out little "picnic" down and ate.
It was so much fun!
But omg we were freezing our asses off.
We couldn't even light the candles.
So we forgot about them and just ate.
My fingers were so cold! I couldn't even tell if I was texting or not.
But then I got the WORST tummy ache from all the food and laughing so much.
And Becky was having some drama, so we called her brother to pick us up.

Today, the reason why I was so happy yesterday, I got some bad news about that :/
Oh well, too bad too sad.
Now I iz waiting for Becky to get out of work, Robert to get out of practice, Ash to get back from Homestead [sp?]
And Yayi's grandpa to get home.
And Oz and Kristin and Meli to text back.
Hope today is awesome..

The sun see not till Heaven clears.

2008-03-08T17:49:50Z

Yesterday and this morning have been awesomeee!
Well, last night really, because I had a horrible day at school.
Mainly because of Mrs. Weaver. Ugh.
The lady from Roger's program was coming at 10 and Roger gave me a pass, so I went to class to show it to her and she told me I couldn't go.
And I'm like uh, ha, funny I'm going.
And took my stuff and left. And she called Roger and told him I leave everyday.
I'm like WTF! But whatever.
The night made up for the day.
Plans didn't work out, but Ash and Yayi and I went to Denny's and ate, it was awesome!
And then we went to TJMaxx to bother Becky.
But omg, Yayi was on like crack or something, she kept tripping over everything!
Omg, I haven't had that much much fun at Muvico in a long time.
We left at 9 though, because Ash's mom had to work at 10.
Still, it was funnn.

Today is a secret why I'm so happy.
It will be revealed soon though.

Plans:
Today: Not sure yet. Waiting for Yayi, Ash or Beck to text me.
Sunday: People coming over? My parents want to cut a cake, yum.
Monday: School. Gay. Go to the bank, if my mom can't take the money out herself. Hopefully hang with Leo.
Tuesday: School for like half an hour. Then go get m license.
Wednesday: PARTY HARDY? Beach with peeps.
Thursday: Some more party-ing at the beach.
Friday: School. Movies?

I'm so XDDDD

I have to fill out the stupid financial aid and Miami-Dade applications ;-;
Don't wanna go to college.

true love is a soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.

2008-03-06T23:42:59Z

Omg, today was soo gay!
I got an "F" in childcare because I "wasn't doing my work" YES I WAS!
And in English i got a "D" on my notebook because I didn't have those stupid answers to the FCAT math questions.
Rawr.
5th was whatever.
And after school Yayi and I went to McDonald's to eat, and Ash wouldn't come with us, what a hoe >_>

And then we walked to Wendy's.
And Jean kind of pissed me off because we were talking about college [Yayi and I]
And we were talking about what I was going to do and Yayi was like, "Didn't you want to be a tattoo artist?"
And before I could answer her, Jean was like, "YOU?! A tattoo artist? You can't even draw."
And it pissed me off because he's never seen anything I've drawn.
Either way, I don't want to be an artist, I want to be a piercer.

And then when I got home I got pissed at my mom because she was talking about getting me a car.
And she wants to buy one like from a dealer, like a new one.
And I'm like no wtf that;s a waste of money.
And then she wants to put me in classes.
And I'm like no WTF! Obviously I had to have done something right to pass my driving test [truthfully I failed but w.e]
And I asked her if I could borrow the car, for Wednesday, which is like 3 days after I get my license and she said no >_>
Grr.

We'll see what happens.

I FUCKING HATE SUNDAYS!

2008-03-02T18:07:18Z

So, I'm just here sitting at home doing nothing.
I should be doing homework, but decided not to, and just get on LimeWire and download some shit.
So I'm downloading bla bla bla and I start downloading songs that I used to listen to a long time ago, mainly Taking Back Sunday and Brand New and other shit like that.
And I was like thinking, "Hmm, I wonder what people think this song is about?" So I search the meanings of the songs AND I'M FUCKING DEPRESSED AS HELL because of it.
So I decided to just look up meanings of other songs, basically everyhting on my playlist.
AND I GOT EVEN MORE DEPRESSED!
So now I'm just sitting here listening to other songs, not daring to look up their meanings, even though I know the meanings of these songs, making me depressed some more.

I fucking hate life.

I told Yayi I'd stop posting EMO entries, lol.
So I will.

Past week pretty boring.
Pretty depressing.
Payed for Grad Bash and right after I walked out of the room I regretted it.
I could have used that money for other stuff.
Oh well, I might as well enjoy my senior year.
It's almost over.

I got my progress report and was really unsatisfied with my grades.
I'm going to start working a lot harder in school.
Actually, I think I'll check my grades online right now, brb.
Okay, so I checked them and they're like w/e.
NOTE TO SELF: WORK HARDER!!!!

I smell bad...

2008-02-24T20:46:58Z

Maybe I should take shower.
Maybe I should clean my room.
I think I'll go back to sleep.

I have this pimple on my face still, it just keeps coming back.

Lately things keep going down DOWN hill.

People don't understand that I'm trying.
In school.
At home.
With friends.
On the relationship.

I guess I just suck at fixing things.

everything feels so different.
I hate change.
I want to go back, and start over.

~

2008-02-11T05:14:50Z

I hate how much I've changed.
And even more when people point it out.

My bitching~

2008-02-05T05:30:58Z

Well, I told Leo I was going to try and get my CDA but I think it's a buttload of stress I can't handle right now, even though it's my only chance to do it. Maybe I'll do it, on my spare time.
I mean, I still have 18 weeks.
Yup, 18 weeks before I graduate...
What joy.

I hope that everyone, like my sister, who thinks I use my stomach problem to make people feel bad for me or to get out of things get this stupid shit.
I've had to go back on my meds, I hate it.

Valentine's Day is coming around and I still haven't made that stupid thing for Leo.

~This is my emo entry~

2008-01-26T07:16:19Z

I find it kind of amusing when I take a step back and see how much people have changed.
And how much I don't like what they've changed into.

And then I stop and wonder,
If I have turned into someone different.
And if someone is out there thinking the same thing I'm thinking.
And if someone hates me because of what I changed into.

I hope not.
Because I wouldn't want to have someone hate me for something I already hate myself for.

People look at me and they must think that nothing is ever wrong in my life because I'm always hyper and happy and laughing.
But they don't know that sometimes I lay in my bed at night and start to think.
And then i start to cry.
And there's no one to talk to, or anyone's shoulder to cry on.
So I cry to myself in the dark.
And hope things get better in my life.

we'll see what happens as time goes by.

Please pick me, I'm a terrible mess

2008-01-23T01:35:57Z

I'm confused, sad, scared, angry, and any other emotinon you can tihkn of

What to do, what to do?

passionate_anal @ 2008-01-08T15:54:00

2008-01-08T20:59:29Z

I got my webbing pierced.

I'm such a bad ass.

01/01/08 12:24

2008-01-01T05:24:51Z

It's a new year

I'm not your star

2007-12-16T04:54:36Z

It kind of feels as if I lost a friend.
I don't know why.

Maybe I did, and I haven't found out yet.

Beautiful dreamer

2007-12-08T05:06:06Z

I guess when I get stressed, i take comfort in the past, and that's not the best thing because the past makes me sad.

Since I got a computer, I've been watching my tdramas again.
And that's never good because it makes me realize my life is nothing like what I want it to be.

I'm just really anxious for winter break I guess, because I know when it comes around, things will be better.
It means the competencies will be done and I won't have to bullshit 500 words every week.
It means that Christmas is right the next day, adn it makes me happy.
Most importantly, it means Sara comes, and she makes me get out of my funk.
Emy comes too, so it means party hardy with her and Josh.

"The choices you make suck.. that's why you end up like that."
He's right, and I wish I could change all the horrible choices I've made in the past, but I have to live with the consequences.